In this blog, Marlowe describes a simple way to achieve the weight you want. Change does not have to be hard, complex, or even understood when you use his ideas here.

This simplified manual is intended for the use of the 2/3rds of Americans who are heavier than they need to be, and especially for those who have earned the label of obese.  If you see your self in that “large,” therefore statistically “normal” group, you probably have spent considerable time reading about “dieting” and weight loss, probably enough time to realize that there are no magic diets.  You are also likely to have spent time castigating your self for not having sufficient character and will power to succeed in losing weight.

Well, take heart!   This manual invites you to look at the issue in a different way, a way that does not require effort and will power, just changing your mind.  The message is simple and easy, so simple and easy that you may disregard it as too simple and too easy and not read any further. I might add that gaining the weight was typically “simple and easy.”  Okay, so this is for those who do read further.

Ownership

I have a body and a mind just like you, and I own and operate it, just like you.   If you look around inside, you’ll see various aspects or facets of you, but only you; thus you are stuck operating you.  My favorite way of saying this is, “Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’ve been left in charge of me.”  My question to you is, “How about you?”

There was a time, a long time ago, when I was not in charge of me – when I was a baby, toddler and child, just like your beginning.   Since that time, I “grew up” and left home under my own power, operating my own “unit” or vehicle, ME!! In the beginning, I was fed by the “giants” in my environment; I did not feed my self.  Ever since I became an adult, I have been the only one feeding my self.

How I used my ownership

Once I left my teen age years, I created a weight issue, weighing 30+ pounds more than I needed to, and the way I did it was feeding my self too much and too often.  To deal with this corpulence, I operated my self in the usual manner, going on diets, losing weight, and then “finding” it again, going back on diets, etc.  I struggled mightily and lashed my self unmercifully about my lack of will power.  I wanted my will power to take over and operate my eating.   With my mind set being usual or statistically normal, I could not be trusted in a room with food in it because it was too tempting and I “couldn’t” resist.   I would eat until I was full, I did not stop at sufficient. Anyway, you get the idea, I was eating more than I needed and pretending or rationalizing that I couldn’t help it, that I was “out of control.”   Over the years I did this yo-yo dieting behavior  quite a few times with more and more difficulty losing the pounds that I had regained  (put back), and berating my self for my imagined lack of discipline and will power.

Wait a minute!  Here I was using my control to pretend that I was not in in control.   Sounds pretty strange but that is what I was doing.   Just another example of how we can “fool” our selves.  Feeding my self more than I needed was based on control.  If I were out of control, I wouldn’t have the coordination  to obtain and put food in my mouth.  And anybody could see that I had enough control to put more than enough food in my envelope of skin, meaning I was visibly overweight.

Envelopes and balloons

Think of the skin as being an envelope or balloon that contains our internal parts and fluids.  Just as we can fill a balloon with air or water and it will keep stretching, we can keep adding food and fluids (sometimes called calories) until we distend our envelope or balloon out.  Unlike the balloon we do not burst, we just feel like bursting, especially when we are tying our shoes.  Yet another indicator of our success in gaining weight, we don’t fit in our clothes any more.  The numbers on the scale somehow keep going up as well.  What I am pointing out is that there is ample feedback about the direction we are taking.  One can call it “denial” when we ignore the feedback, keep eating more than we need, and act baffled by the “creeping” weight gain, however, each of us is the still the one in charge.

The body’s job

There is no mystery.  Simply put, the role of the digestive system is to take in food and drink, break it down to available energy, and dispose of the waste.  The role of the circulatory system is to transport the energy packets (digested food) to the various cells and pick up the by-products of metabolism for disposal.  When we ingest the amount of food the body can use, we do not gain or lose weight   When we add more food than the body can use, the excess gets stored as/at I/we eat less food than the body needs, we will lose weight. Pretty simple, isn’t it–and you already know this, even though you may fool your self that you are exempt!

It is basic cause and effect, much like heat exchange: put something on a burner, it will get hot. Put it in the refrigerator, it will get cold. Leave it out in a room, it will assume room temperature. And it will take time, just like changing body weight. The sumo wrestlers did not gain their fat overnight and the prisoners in the Japanese POW camps and the German concentration camps did not get emaciated in a week or two. Time and consistency are required.

History

Back in the day of our hunting and gathering ancestors, eating excessively (and storing fat) in the time of plenty made sense because the fatter individuals would be more likely to survive during the time of famine. That was then, not now.  With 2/3rds of the population overweight, we seem to be really ready for a famine.  However, there does not appear to be a famine on the horizon and what many of the “prepared” are reaping now are problems such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, a multitude of digestive problems, foot, knee, hip and back problems, limited stamina as well as discrimination and difficulty fitting into a seat on the airplane, to name a few.   Could this be the result of excess, self-administered food? A good question. What I am suggesting is that the cost of preparedness for an unlikely famine is high, maybe more than you are willing to keep “paying”. It seems that many individuals are depriving themselves of good health, but not of excess food!

How have we made it so complicated?

The fundamentals that I have just covered seem covered up or at least obscured by several tons of rhetoric in our cultural story about food, eating, weight, and difficulty.  I will share some of the basic issues that I think muddy the water.  I will start with the assumption that a person who is overweight has too much food (stored food) in them. Plain and simple, they have made their “balloon” or “envelope” bulge. What makes matters murky is that many seem not to be aware of the implications of ownership, i.e., that they are themselves responsible. Then there is the matter of automaticity, the way we live our lives on automatic pilot. And lastly, I will uncover some strange goings on in the area of what constitutes difficulty. I will also make some comments about “diets” and other topics along the way.

Who’s in charge?  The issue of ownership

If we want to continue living, we have to continue eating and drinking, at least enough to survive.  There is no issue about that.  Unless we are paralyzed or on a feeding tube, each of us is administratively in charge of the quantity and frequency of input, how much we ingest, no issue about that one, either.  When I was bulging, I obviously had been putting in more food and drink than I needed.  I had “appeared” the extra weight, not necessarily by bingeing, but by frequently putting in more than I needed.  Since I was the only one feeding me, clearly I was responsible, no matter what rationalization I used to pretend that since I didn’t want to be fat, I wasn’t responsible. When I began to understand and accept that I was responsible, I realized I was also response-able: able to respond differently.  Since I was stuck being in charge of me and I had used my control to appear extra weight, I could use that same control to reduce my input sufficiently so that I “dis-appeared” the extra weight.  This did not just happen overnight; in fact, it did not “happen,” I “did” it!  And I took a while to accomplish my goal, and for years weight has not been an issue for me.

Until I understood and accepted that I had the response ability to change, the ability to respond differently; I was operating my self on the treadmill of alibis and excuses.   Some of my favorites and ones that I have heard from clients and friends follow:

My wife is a good cook and I love to eat.
We eat out a lot.
I have a big appetite.
I am in sales and I have to entertain customers, so I can’t just order a salad.
I work in a restaurant so I’m around food all the time.
I have a pressure packed job and I end up eating at fast food places.
My friends are big eaters.
It’s genetic, everybody in my family is overweight.
I used to be able to eat a lot and not gain weight.
I don’t have any will power regarding sweets.
I’m on a see food diet, if I see food, I eat it.
(Add your favorite.)

You can have all kinds of reasons (alibis and excuses), however, the fact remains that if you are bulging, you have been putting in more food than your body needs, and unless you have tapeworms, your body will store the excess. Hence, the bulge. Don’t want it? Don’t put so much in. Pretty simple, isn’t it? Now comes the peculiar part, when people start thinking about disappearing the weight that they have appeared, they usually start thinking about going on a diet. The diet is typically some form of deprivation, i.e., I don’t get to eat the stuff I really like, or I have to eat like a bird. Further, sticking with a diet is going to be very hard, requiring considerable will power and self discipline!

Diet = what  you eat = Diet

Let’s take this apart a little. People think that “going on a diet” is somehow different than what they’ve been doing since they were born. As an infant, we were on a diet, primarily a diet of milk, mom’s or cow’s. A few weeks later, our diet began to include cereal and mashed fruits and vegetables. We gradually made the transition to what is generally considered an adult diet. The point is we have always been on a diet and as adults, we have eaten exactly what we wanted to eat, no more and no less. How can we tell?  No one else has been feeding us, just me feeding me and you feeding you. So going on a diet simply means that you are about to embark on some kind of variation in what kind and how much food you put in your mouth. I say “put in” because I assume you are feeding your self.

Deprivation and obsession

It is interesting what we do on a “diet.” First of all, we usually learn some new vocabulary such as points and grams and calories. We may learn about fat burning foods or how to fill up on free foods. We read the latest gustatory gospels, currently South Beach or Atkins. We are admonished to chew our food 40 times, never eat standing up, use a small plate so that it looks like we have a full serving and numerous other do’s and don’ts. We are likely to spend a lot of time thinking and talking about it. We spend considerable time planning what we can have on the diet and when we can have a dessert! Bottom line is that we might even qualify for obsessing about food more than we did when we thought we were not on a diet.

Something we often associate with going on a diet is that we are going to deprive our selves of what we really want to eat. We are likely to spend time lusting for the foods that are not on our diet. Many will create fantasies about how they are going to reward themselves with the forbidden foods after they have lost the desired amount of weight and they can eat what they want. What’s funny is that when people are doing dieting, they are eating exactly what they want then, too, like always! The anorexic eats what she (usually she, occasionally he) wants–not much, the sumo wrestler eats what he wants, the fat person eats what he/she wants, and the trim person eats what she/he wants!  After suffering through a diet, the majority of people go back to their old patterns of eating and guess what?  They eventually find that lost weight, frequently with interest:  a few additional pounds.  Is there an alternative way of thinking about weight, food, and eating?

The gift model

If the overweight could have one wish, I think most would wish to magically become trim, no distensions in the balloon. Why? Because they know they would feel better, have more stamina, go up the stairs more easily, fit into their clothes, look more attractive, probably lower their blood pressure, tie their shoes more easily, reduce or avoid the effects of diabetes and circulatory problems, face less discrimination, to list a few benefits. That would be some gift to self, wouldn’t it? If we could only do that by wishing, most would jump at the chance to do it so easily and effortlessly (which is what probably underlies why some people buy fat burning pills so they can lose weight while they are sleeping). Sure, we want that gift; however, we can’t get there by wishing. What we usually envision between us and the gift is serious dieting and deprivation supported by a big dose of will power and self-discipline. “Too much effort, I think I’ll have another helping.”

When we look back, we appeared our extra weight rather easily and effortlessly.

What if we disappeared the excess easily and effortlessly? Since we are in charge, we can do anything we want, although we may want to change one of our mind sets that we may not even be aware of because it seem to be so universal.

Effort and ease

First let’s look at our mind set about effort and ease and use some ordinary examples. If you had an office on the second floor and you switched to an office on the first floor directly below your old office, would it be easier or harder to get to your new office. Of course, it would be easier because you would not have to climb the stairs (assuming no elevator). Not only easier, but it would take less time. If you were the mom and you did the laundry for your husband and twins 4 or 5 times a week and then your twins left for college, would doing the laundry only twice a week now, be easier or harder? Of course, it would be easier and take less time. At your current house, you mow a half acre lawn and then you move to a house with a quarter acre lawn (flat like the other lawn), would it be harder of easier to mow the smaller lawn?  Of course, it would be easier and take less time.

We can make up thousands of similar examples where doing less is easier and takes less time.  But watch out: big exception coming up! Somehow eating less is harder!! By the way, eating less would also take less time! Boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

The power of mind

Until we understand the way we can use the power of our mind, it doesn’t make sense.  What do I mean? For a couple of common examples, I’ll first talk about smoking (which I did a great deal of). Like most novices, I coughed and spluttered as I tried to inhale. My eyes hurt and teared up and after I finished a few puffs, I tried to rinse that awful taste out of my mouth. That was my body trying to tell me that I was putting a noxious substance into my lungs and eyes. I ignored the physical feedback and practiced in private so I could inhale and not cough. I took a while but I managed to overcome that hurdle. In subsequent years, I would light up, especially after a meal, and sincerely say, “Gee, that tastes good.” I had used the power of my mind to transform the experience of a vile tasting noxious substance into an experience of pleasure, a great example of the “power of mind.”

I might add that many years later when I was trying hard to quit, while continuing smoking, that I created a great deal of difficulty staying stopped. I also castigated my self for not having the will power and strength of character needed. Finally, I changed my mind (another transformation or trance formation–just the reverse) and disappeared my smoking behavior by doing nothing, just not lighting up and labeling my headaches and nervous feeling the “pins and needles” of my body “waking up” rather than a big deal called “withdrawal.” So no big deal, I simply disappeared the issue that I had appeared!

Next is another example of the power of mind, although not as common. The anorexic weighing less than a hundred pounds will look in the mirror and see her self as fat. We may label that an illusion but it is her reality. She is totally certain of her perception of being overweight, no matter what other people or her own eyes tell her. She is unshakable.

In our culture, the usual story about losing weight is about the difficulty-and most people are unshakable about that–never mind that it is an exception to the general rule that doing less is easier and takes less time. With that mind set, we will make it difficult, just as the anorexic with her mind set will see fat on a scrawny body.

So then we go to history and look back over our lives and the lives of others. We use the data of our past experience to buttress our notion of difficulty. The problem is that we are approaching losing weight with the mind set that it is difficult. Using that data is similar to gathering data about the weather in St. Louis during July to predict the weather in January! It’s not relevant. What a person experienced in one mind set or illusion is just that; in another mind set, the experience is different!

I am reminded of a book called the Philosopher’s Diet, which begins with one word – FAT. As I recall, the following sentence is, “I imagine that you would like to get rid of it.” followed by, “Then you’ll have to eat less.” (I couldn’t agree more!) However, the author begins the next sentence saying but it’s not that easy: if it were easy, there would be no need for the multi-billion dollar weight loss industry. His logic assumes that “disappearing” weight is inherently difficult or else everybody would lose weight simply and easily. Also, the difficulty creates the need for programs to help people overcome the difficulty. I think the weight loss industry is a tribute to the mind set of difficulty.   Incidentally, judging from the increase in overweight and obese individuals in this country, the weight loss industry is “getting fat” while the people struggling with their invisible to them mind set are adding to or at least keeping their pounds.

Automaticity

The way people change their behavior is to first change their mind, or in this case, their mind set. Eating less obviously takes less effort and less time, not to mention the economic benefit of less money. To make a change of mind set I think it is important to understand that much of our ordinary day to day behaviors are robotic or on automatic pilot, and eating patterns are usually quite routine. We fold our hands the same way as we did when we were children or fold our arms the same way or put the same leg in the slacks first, even though we are “free” to fold our hands or arms in the opposite way or put the other leg in the slacks first. Of course, if we do, we experience “awkwardness” although we use the same amount of energy! Similarly, we also eat in much the same unaware way–too much if we are overweight. So if we are aware of our choice and control, we can interrupt our patterns. If we usually eat until we are “full,” we can interrupt when we have had an adequate amount. For example, if we are in a restaurant and we usually eat a full serving, we can choose to eat half and take the other half home.  While interrupting, we can think about the gift we are giving our selves, (not wearing it around our middle), besides getting two meals for the price of one. We might experience awkwardness, but not difficulty, unless we were in the mind set of difficulty!

You don’t need to change the food–change the amount

You can eat the same foods you have been eating so you don’t have to deny your self the foods you enjoy. You simply eat less of the same foods. One way to make interrupting easy (besides thinking of the gift you are giving your self) is to ask your self a question, “Do I want to wear this?” If you eat more than you need, you will bulge and wear it. After a few somewhat awkward interrupts, you will get used to it and it will be your new pattern, just as putting the other leg in the slacks first will become familiar if you keep doing it.

Perhaps another example of ease and simplicity would be useful. Both in private practice and in the classroom, I initially share some ideas about ownership, choice and automaticity. A student in her early 20’s came to the third class session and shared with considerable excitement what she had done (or not done.)  Her first statement was, “I have finger nails!” She went on to say that she had been a nail biter all her life and had tried everything to stop biting her nails. As a youngster, her parents had tried to “help” her by having her wear gloves at night or putting vile tasting stuff on her fingertips, to no avail.

Interrupt

What she realized was that she was in charge; she was doing it, not anybody else, nor any other part of her, like her unconscious, that she couldn’t control. What she reported was that whenever she had robotically begun biting, she simply stopped or interrupted immediately. Since she had begun the process many times and interrupted many times, she became accustomed to interrupting earlier and earlier in the sequence until she even interrupted when her hand was on the way to her mouth. This, of course, was not biting: doing nothing about it. She had been doing some thing called biting her nails and now she was doing no thing about biting her nails. A week or two later she reported that she had had a manicure, the first in her life, and seemed very pleased. A break-through experience for her, no big deal for people who have not created (appeared) that struggle using the mind set of difficulty.

Was it hard for her to change her mind and thus, her behavior? Not at all. What is easier than doing nothing or no thing? When I asked her how she viewed her struggle now, she said it was like going from one room to another, almost mystified how she could have spent so much time in struggle when there was nothing to do. And the nails grew to a reasonable length on their own. I ran into her a few months later and I looked at her hands and she had beautifully manicured nails! She also mentioned that her parents were pleased and impressed, although they did not understand her doing nothing about it.

Applied to food intake, it is important to do some thing (some eating) and nothing or no thing about the usual excess that results in bulges in the balloon. Eat what you like, (you always have), just interrupt before you get full or stuffed. You can even eat a big meal once in a while such as Thanksgiving or an occasional holiday, just don’t do it often, and ease back on the input for a day or two afterwards. Eat what you want. You don’t have to avoid ice cream and desserts, just interrupt and eat small portions so you get the taste but don’t end up wearing the excess around your waist! What a gift to your self, to operate your self easily and delightfully while you move from bulge to trim! Who can stop you?

Everybody interrupts

What about interrupting? Is it hard? I don’t think so since everybody interrupts, nobody eats 24 hours a day, however, many people eat until they are “full” before they stop or interrupt. Full seems to be equivalent to stuffed, judging from their bulges. Play around with changing the stopping point at the point of enough or sufficient, simply interrupting before full.  You do not have to eat everything on your plate. Some people think it is a shame to waste food so they “waist it!” Having leftovers from time to time makes cooking easier and it certainly takes less time in addition to saving money!

One of my clients asked what to do when he gets hungry. My answer was eat something, just not a lot. Interrupt before you over load. Judging from his appearance, he had seldom experienced actual hunger, just a lack of feeling full. I think that is the case for many people, that they are unlikely to have experienced much hunger, yet they talk to themselves and others about how they are “starving” and the only way to cure that is to eat to excess often enough to “wear” the extra stored food (fat).

Exercise

At this point, let me add a few words about exercise. Everybody knows that using our muscles in some form of exercise is beneficial when one is interested in losing weight. Getting off the couch and walking around the track or neighborhood is much better than walking to the pantry or fridge and back to the couch. However, one can lose weight without doing much in the way of exercise, although it will take longer or depend on an earlier interruption in your eating behavior. If you have not been doing much exercise, start slow and ease your way into some kind activity with walking being the most available, where you don’t need much equipment  beyond some walking  shoes. There is no end to the ads for aerobic videos where trim people are doing fast-paced movement to loud music. You don’t have to go there. Be gentle within, and move. The formula is simple and one that you already know, move more–eat less! Or put in reverse order, don’t interrupt your moving early, do interrupt your intake movements earlier than you have. If you do want to include some weights or some exercise equipment, the money you have saved from eating less should suffice.

Incidentally, there is a considerable amount of so called help available. A partial list would include diet programs like Weight Watchers and Nutri Systems among others, personal trainers, aerobics programs, gym memberships, special medications and appetite suppressors, hypnosis, acupuncture, surgeries, special herbs, to name a few. My suggestion is that you do not get distracted from the core message that it is up to you. Nobody can help you or do it for you, only you can help your self (and most simply by diminishing the size and frequency of your helpings!) This includes what I have written, reading this will not help you; however, you can use some of the ideas to help your self, if you choose. I, and others, can coach you on how to help your self; however, the baseball batting coach never bats for the batter!

Genetics

Another area that I would like to comment on in passing is that genetics do play a role. Some people have a high metabolism and a body type that will remain thin while eating considerable amounts of food. We can be as jealous as we want of their good fortune; however, we still have to play the hand that we were dealt. There are also some people who will never be svelte although they can be muscular and have a low BMI (Body Mass Index), not overweight for them.  I might add that I thought  for a long time that my genetics were dictating my weight  since my dad was fat, my mother was obese, and my sister was morbidly obese. When I changed my mind, especially about the difficulty stuff, I changed my behavior easily and lightly, and the result has been a lighter me and excellent health. What a gift!

More muddy water

As a former psychologist, I would be remiss if I did not cover some of the usual psychological “wisdom” that is distracting from the ease and simplicity of disappearing something that we have appeared. Besides validating the idea of difficulty, many psychologists present the first step as “gaining control” or “taking charge.” That would presume that the person is not in charge or control. This idea really undermines the idea of ownership that we are stuck with. And it raises the question of how do you take control if you don’t have any control! How do you take charge when you are out of control and can’t??

Another idea that is commonly presented is the notion that we spin off a part of our selves and act like that part is in control. For example, a person will say, “My temper gets me in a lot of trouble.” Another example would be, “It must have been my unconscious.” With non-ownership sentences (and thinking) like that it sounds like the emotions are in charge, not us. My favorite is, “I lost control.” Followed by beating the tar out of somebody else, which needless to say, takes a great deal of coordination (another word for control). When talking to a client who claimed a violent temper when somebody said something he didn’t like or was called a name, I asked him what he would do if a bunch of Hells Angels Bikers insulted him. He guessed he wouldn’t do anything; that it depended on circumstances. Right on, he was the one that chose when and where.

Back to food and intake, we decide when and where and how much! We do not get and stay trim if we use concepts like “big appetite” and “irresistible urge” to blame for our increase in girth.  Another statement that I hear (and used to use) “I couldn’t stop until I finished the whole thing.” Or, “It tasted so good I couldn’t stop.”

With regards to food we have some stories from psychologists that support the idea of difficulty losing weight. One story is that food represents love and that overeating is a symptom of attempting to fill that void. Thus, the person who overeats isn’t responsible, it is the lack of nurturing in their home as they grew up. What makes this such an impediment to change is that one cannot undo a childhood no matter how much analyzing one does.

Another area that well-intentioned psychologists venture into that turns out to be blind alley is the search for why. They will encourage their clients to go on lengthy archeological “digs” for how and when the client began overeating. The assumption is that if they find the reason they are overeating, the behavior will automatically change. This usually takes a long time (I used to do that, too) while the client gains more weight (and contributes to the “shrinks” income). If they do come up with why, they still have to eat less and move more. Why not just “make up” a reason if you want and go directly to eating less and focus on doing that easily just like the gaining of weight was done? Just a change of mind set!

Pay off

Besides the bonus of less time, less effort, less money spent on food, and better health there will be another pay off. Just as people notice who is overweight and who is trim, as you disappear your bulges, people will ask are you losing weight. You can tell them yes and they will ask are you on a diet. You can say yes, and then they will ask which one you are on. Your answer can be, “My usual diet.” This will usually be followed with more questions  about what kind of a diet and you can say things like it’s not a special diet, it’s my usual diet, just less of it. They will ask about the difficulty of sticking to it revealing the usual mind set. Your answer will be mystifying to them when you tell them you are not doing much about losing weight, you are just doing your eating behavior a little differently and the pounds are disappearing. They will be curious and mystified so you can see the mind set of difficulty obstructing their understanding and you can chuckle because that used to be you.

Let me end by relating an incident that occurred while I was walking (and talking) on the track with some of the regular walkers. We passed an older couple who were frequent walkers and it was clear that the husband had lost weight. One woman who has been doing yo yo dieting for years said to him that it looked like he had lost weight.  He responded proudly, “30 pounds!” She asked him what he had done and he simply said, “I ate less.” As we walked on past the couple, she remarked somewhat wistfully, “I wish it was that easy.” I responded with, “I guess we experience whatever we make up.” Don’t you?  I invite you to experiment with a different mind set – ease and simplicity rather than effort and difficulty. In fact, make a delightful game of your new eating behavior, embrace the awkwardness associated with doing your self differently. Add some whimsy and humor. You will discover that you do not need the serious and heavy attitude that has not been useful in the past – even though you may have thought that way was the only way up until NOW.

Lighten Up!! Have a great time!